I have a 13mo that is still sleeping in my bed for the majority of the night. It is our fault, as we travel 80% of the time and up to this point she hasn’t spent a lot of time in her crib. I have also created the habit of nursing her to sleep–horrible I know–but now I really want to get her back on track. Is it too late? We tried the cry-it-out method but hit 40 min and I couldn’t take it anymore. Please help! What is the best way to transition this late in the game?
Free yourself from the thought that your daughter is off-track. You created a track that met your needs and have now decided that those needs have changed. My concerns are whether or not your circumstances have changed.
If you are still traveling a great deal of the time, your daughter will need to use a crib in a hotel room, too. She cannot be expected to sleep in her own crib at home on an intermittent basis, and sleep with you when she is in a hotel room. The message is too confusing for a thirteen-month-old and she is not able to understand your intention.
If you are planning on utilizing a crib in a hotel room, you can make the transition in spite of your travel schedule, but there is no way to avoid crying, and that is much harder to endure in a hotel room when you must consider other guests. Make the initial transition when you can be at home for several days.
Be sure you are fully committed to making a change and that the only people weighing in on this decision are you and your partner. Lack of commitment, typically means lack of follow-through. Do not begin until you know you ready and able to follow through. It is not fair to ask your daughter to work hard at this transition and then change your mind. Additionally, if you begin and quit, you send the message to your daughter that if she cries and resists you will change your mind – a precedent you will live to regret.
Do not make any changes to breastfeeding during this transition. It is too much to ask of her to put herself to sleep in an unfamiliar place, all by herself. Nurse her to sleep and put her in her crib. When the transition to the crib is successful and established, you can address and change your nursing patterns.
From here, I will assume that you will place your sleeping daughter in her crib. When/if she wakes up, give her time to really call to you. (Sometimes parents anxiously respond to noise and squawking and don’t give babies a chance to settle back into sleep on their own). Go to her when she makes it clear she needs assurance that you are still nearby. Do not turn lights on. Soothe her with your words and touch, but do not pick her up. In a quiet, confident tone, tell her you are close by and that she can go to sleep on her own. Tell her you are sorry this is hard for her, but you know it will be best in the long run. She will NOT understand you, but she will understand your kind tone and your confident body language, and you will remind yourself why you have made this choice. If you waiver, show worry in your face or in your body, you will make it harder on everyone. If you are doubtful, fake it!
Go back to her room on an intermittent basis, increasing the time between visits (yes, Ferber). Another alternative is to sit silently in her room while she lies in her crib, so she knows you are present, but expect her to self-soothe. Make this determination based on your own needs and personality, and that of your child.
Did I mention that there will be crying? Forty minutes is not unusual, not unexpected, and comparatively, not that long. Expect that, if you are calm, confident, and consistent, she will resist for about five days. The first day will be hard and the second day will be worse. The time spent crying will likely shorten on day three.
I wish you luck and stamina. When you have made you decision, go forth clearly and confidently with reason and resolve.
Toni Danielson, ad agency working mom of a big brown-eyed little man, wife to an amazing husband, Digital Media Lover. Blogger. Infographic-obsessed. Expat. Happy Hour Mom. BBall Wife. Not all in that order. Join me in my journey to become the ultimate Happy Hour Mom!
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