I recently found a book at a local bookstore and the title immediately caught my eye as I walked by the end cap it was displayed on – “This Is Not The Life That I Ordered”. The book is written by four women who’ve overcome many catastrophes and misfortune in their lives. Just reading the inside flap I thought, gee my life seems like a walk in the park compared to these woman! I have to say that this book is a must-read for any woman out there. After finishing it, it got me thinking of how many of us one day have woken up in the morning and said to ourselves “How the heck did I get here? This is not the life that I ordered!”
How many times have you heard a friend or colleague say “this is not where I thought my life would be at this age!” or “This is NOT how I thought my life would end up”? I’ve been hearing this statement so much lately – and not just from friends but from neighbors, co-workers, acquaintances or even hearing stories of friends of friends going through heartache and turmoil. It’s all around me. Now maybe I hear it a lot more than the average person because I live and work in the entertainment capitol of the world – the land of disappointment and crushed dreams. But no matter where you live, everyone has friends and family that have ended up in a place they thought they never would. Whether it be a divorce, financial ruin, sudden loss of a spouse, a sick child, single parenthood, being single and alone when you desire a mate, being childless when you always dreamed of having kids – we all know someone going through something that has lead them to a place they don’t want to be.
Let’s take the subject of single motherhood for example. Have you ever heard a single mom go “Gee I always dreamed of this! It’s what I’ve always wanted – Yippee!” Most of the single moms I know are looking around wondering what happened to them and how they ended up there. It can be a very lonely, scary and frustrating place to be in even if you’re the one that wanted the divorce. If you’re a single mom out there struggling, please know though that you’re not alone. I went online to find some hard numbers and according to the US Census Bureau, in 2007 there were 10.4 million women in the US living alone with children under 18 in their household. Many single moms I meet are second guessing every move they made: “How did I get mixed up with this guy?”, “How did I get myself into this situation?”, “Why didn’t I leave earlier?”, “I’ve been wasting my life”, “I’m so stupid!!!” Feelings of anger and self hatred can consume you.
The key subject the book talks about and what I’m writing about today is that you can go through a horrible period in your life and come out stronger and happier. You’ll also be a more resilient and a better person for it. After tragedy strikes, you must deal with it in your own way, then resolve it and move on. Believe me, a happier fuller life could be just around the corner. I never grew up dreaming and hoping for a divorce and a split family. It never occurred to me that this could even be a possibility. Who does? Is this where I thought I’d be in my personal life? No. Can I still be happy? Of course!! Just because tragedy or misfortune has struck or just because you’re not in a place you thought you’d be in, doesn’t mean you can’t have a full and contented life.
One of my favorite paragraphs of this book reads “transitions can build our character and turn us into wise women, or they can leave us feeling depressed and alone.” The fact of the matter is that everyone woman will experience periods of bad luck, heart ache and unforeseen circumstances to some degree. The question is, will you be ready for it and how will you handle it? How you field the daggers and darts life throws at you is very important – keep your head high and realize that you are not alone in this. There are so many other women (and men) leading a life that they did not order. Most of us are not. The question is, are they enjoying this life or at least making the best of it? And when you don’t have the life you ordered, switch gears and make a new one!
Co-Founder/CEO of HappyHourMom.com, Freelancer, Internet Marketing Consultant, and Social Media lover. Wife to an amazing husband, mom to two beautiful little girls, and follower of Jesus Christ. I am a Happy Hour Mom…are you?
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Where did you come from girl! I am also in the entertainment industry and have struggled with the balance between careering and rearing. I am a mother of two and remember our choice to start a family. It was not an easy choice but sometimes you have to just go with what you believe is the right thing to do even if its against all odds. Your a wonderful writer and give light to the best in your situation.
I look forward to your column, keep me coming!
Michelle Wilson