My family and I spent the last 4.5 months in Tallinn, Estonia and man has it been an adventure. While we had many wonderful experiences in Tallinn, the unforgettable journey has left a bit of a scar in our memory book. The country itself was absolutely beautiful, with a gorgeous, green Summer/Fall and a magical, white Christmas. I thoroughly enjoyed being introduced to new designers and brands that I would not have found otherwise–I was impressed with the fashion world and designers based in Estonia. We also developed several friendships that will last a lifetime, and met some wonderful individuals who touched our lives and will forever be a part of our great memories and overall experience But then there is the question that we always get asked when we get home…”Would you go back?”
The answer is a big fat NO!! The negative far outweighed the positive in our overall experience. I will start by saying that we grew much closer as a family and learned more than I could have ever imagined. However, unless you are white and from Estonia I wouldn’t recommend an extended stay in the country. If you are taking a trip on one of the Baltic cruises and stopping off in Tallinn, you will probably enjoy the stop. There are great photo ops, beautiful scenery, nice cafes and restaurants, and some pleasant individuals. BUT (and that is a big giant BUT), if you do not blend in with the bizarre clone-like population, you could feel a bit uncomfortable and out of place. I like to refer to it as a “Twilight Zone” experience. My husband is African American, I am Caucasian and our girls (obviously) are mulatto. This did not bode well in the Eastern European country of Estonia, where ignorance is no stranger.
We have lived in several countries where there is very little diversity, however we have never felt the way we did in Estonia. My husband is 7 feet tall and we are used to getting stares when we walk in a room, we are accustomed to curiosity when we are living as Americans (not to mention the fact that we are an interracial couple) in a foreign country–this is to be expected. And while at times it gets a bit annoying, we know that the stares are often more out of curiosity than disgust or hatred. Until we moved to Estonia and were introduced to a new beast. Extreme ignorance (AKA Racism). For the first time these stares were not out of curiosity, and they were not friendly. They made us feel uncomfortable and out of place, to the point that we stopped going to certain places.
We were followed by security in every mall, shopping center, or grocery store we entered. And not just followed. The security guards would literally circle our aisle if we were looking at something for an extended period of time, or they would have no shame at all and just plant themselves right next to us. One day my husband thought he would do a test to see if it was a coincidence that we were being “followed.” So he went up the escalator and immediately went back down on the other side. It took two rounds of ups and downs for the security guard to realize he was being toyed with–but he did in fact continue to follow him. While this sounds mild, it took an ugly turn when my daughter experienced the wrath at her International Kindergarten. You would think that an International Kindergarten would have a bit more diversity, but in my daughters class she was the only child with darker skin. It was absolutely heartbreaking when she came home one day and told me that she didn’t want to go to school anymore. This is coming from a child who LOVES school. When I asked her why I couldn’t imagine that what she said was true. The class was asked to draw a picture of what they wanted to be when they grew up–she drew a picture of herself as a Veterinarian . Now, are you ready for this? Her classmate laughed at her picture and told her she looks like a Monkey. The kids then began to chime in that she looks like a Chimp with her brown skin. Huh? Are you kidding me? Four, five and six yearolds calling my daughter a monkey because of her skin color? Where were the teachers?My daughter then told me they had been singing songs about her “the brown girl” and her “brown skin” and her “poopy nose.” How could these children be so cruel? What were they learning, or more importantly, NOT learning in their culture? Isn’t this 2011?
The next morning we went to school and I had a chat with the director. She told me my daughter was making it up. That there was no way that could have happened, it couldn’t be true. She said she would ask the teachers to listen for the comments, but I was not satisfied with her response. Did she just tell me that my daughter was making that up? Why would my daughter make something like that up? Up to this point she knew she looked different, but never felt inferior. Needless to say, she didn’t attend that school anymore. If I could change one thing about our time in Estonia, I would erase my daughter’s experience.
As adults it is easier for us to cope with things like this, but how can we expect a 6 year old to understand? Just last week she drew a picture and wanted to color her skin brown but stopped. She said “Mommy, how can I draw my picture the right way without looking like a monkey? I can’t help it that I am brown…” A mixture of anger and hurt filled my heart, she will never forget the way she was treated, and for that I am sorry. For that, I will never return to Estonia. For that, I will never encourage someone else to visit Estonia. For that, I will never look back on our time in Tallinn, Estonia without some regret. Yes, we met wonderful friends, and yes there were plenty of wonderful people born and raised in Estonia who are wonderful individuals–but that doesn’t change our overall experience. Thank you to all of our wonderful new friends who added positive and happy memories during our stay Tallinn, for you we are grateful!
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Hello Shannon!
I read your blog and was frustrated with the image our country and people are able to portray when the truth may often be of vast difference. Racism, of course, deserves no excuse, but as an Estonian, I do feel the need to say that a lot of our ‘racist’ behaviour is caused by fear rather than anger. The fear itself comes from the fact that the country is just 20 years old- which is my age- and there have been only 20 years during which travelling from and to the country has been considerably easy. And let’s face it: how many people from outside the former eastern block and especially from outside Europe would dare or even want to come? There are not many people of colour permanently resident in our country and the number is stubborn to grow, because the reputation is hard to shake. I am convinced prejudice towards ethnic people is more widespread among the older generation, who, for most of their lives, have been surrounded with only caucasian people. It has not been their own choice and doesn’t describe their original attitude towards foreigners, but is a result of a Soviet regime that has left a scar on our nation: a scar that is healing, though slowly so, and is evident in our fear of the unknown.
What my point is: I feel terrible for you and your family for having such an unfortunate experience while visiting Tallinn, but am hoping you and other readers realise that not all people are the same. Not all looks that you feel on you are disapproving. We are like children: we are curious. I admit noticing a very dark skinned person on the street: he stands out among our blonde, pasty people. I turn my head, because sometimes I want to see if he looks like he’s enjoying himself here: because I’m hoping he does. I am thrilled to see people, who are obviously not from here, interested in our country and bold enough to dismiss all the criticism and bad reputation and experience Estonia themselves.
I can only hope that as time goes on, our people will become more relaxed and accepting about the country becoming more multicultural. I simply hope that the world understands: this is all still fairly new to us
Thank you for your reply, and i do understand some of your points. I would like to clarify that in no way did I lump EVERYONE into the same category. I was careful to emphasize that we did meet many wonderful friends who we are still in contact with to this day. Living in many countries around the world, I feel as though I am pretty open minded and slow to judge or be critical. You can tell the difference between looks of curiosity and looks of disapproval. This was just one experience that will be hard to forget. My now 7 yo is starting a new school tomorrow and is worried about whether or not the kids will like her because of her brown skin (yes she asked me that), and while I understand that Estonia is not the only place in the world with problems of racism, I would have to say that our time there, and my daughters personal experience, has caused a strong insecurity amongst her peers. Scars that we are slowly healing as she realizes that not everyone will judge her by the color of her skin.
Hello Shannon
I had the pleasure of living in Estonia with my GF from Late November – Early March (2011-2012). I never encountered any blatant racist gestures. I did often get looks, but it felt like it was a look of intrigue than hate (as Estonian has done himself/herself). I never had trouble with security, even when I was with my GF or a family member speaking in English. People would end up speaking to me in Estonian, as if I knew the language
. But curiously, in what places did you avoid because of problems?
In the instances of racism that I did encounter or see, they were predominately from Russians. Russia has a big racist backbone and it sadly still remains with the Estonian-Russians to an exent. I never encountered an instance where an Estonian made comments to myself.
And by the way, I’m half Polynesian.
Dear Shannon:
I am in Estonia right now, I believe every single word you said. But denial is the mechanism some people have to cope with reality, however, denial cannot contain reality for too long, reality is like a wet soup in oily hands. But is not your problem, they have a problem, it is their blood pressure that raises every time the beautiful white lady passes by with a 7feet tall husband, and two little princes. Shannon, not every one is happy at you being happy.Specially if what is waiting for them at home does not look like you or him. So, it is them who become miserable and angry of impotence, envy, and ignorance.
They have a problem, not you. Tell your daughter that the Lord gave her the right colour of skin, the right nose, the right hair and the right parents for Him to fulfil his dreams in her, and tell her that He will. If Christian counselling is necessary then go for it. You guys are too cute to let sick people ruin your life. God bless you.
Thank you for your kind words Jonathan. God Bless!
Hi Shannon-
I think it’s marvelous that you (as a white person) speak out on “euroracism” and sober unsuspecting people up w.r.t. the kinds of racially motivated experiences people of color in Europe often have to deal with. I lived in Germany for many years, and the racism there is constant and unrelenting despite a growing diverse population- so I can’t possibly imagine what it would be like in Estonia, or any other Baltic countries (and that includes Finland).
kudos to you for calling them out on it. it is important that people who can ordinarily blend in (in a visual sense) inform on racism, because fewer people tend to believe it if you’re a person of color and discuss it openly. I can see just by the tone of the comments on your article alone that people are reluctant to challenge you on what you’ve experienced, and that is because you write from the perspective of someone who would not ordinarily be seen as a victim of racism in those countries.
Hi Matt- I appreciate you taking the time comment, and your kind words. It is often difficult for me, a white woman, to feel like I have had the wool over my eyes for so many years. I have never looked at anyone differently based on race, color, sex, etc, and it wasn’t until I started dating my now husband that I realized the prevalence of racism in our society. I felt ashamed that I had been so blind to the current problems, while many are so quick to say “things are so much better in our country.” The fact of the matter is that while things are obviously different than they were 50 years ago, are we really at a point where we can be proud, or content? Often times I am much less tolerant than my husband, as he has built up a shell over the past 31 years and a tolerance to ignorant people–I have no shell, and am more easily offended at the ignorance towards my husband, my daughter, and now even myself. While we don’t experience such extremes here at home in the USA, our time in Estonia was a crash course on how to deal with situations I wish my daughter never had to face. Again, thank you for your kind words : )
Hi Shannon,
).
. Thanks again for the “heads up”.
I’m of African origin living and working in Malaysia and currently got the opportunity to do some research in Tartu Univ, Estonia.When I heard about “rumors” of racism in Estonia, I was searching for more info when I came across your blog. Very insightful reading, the blogs itself as well as the comments and opinions of others (be it from experience or “hearsay”). I guess I’d stick with you on the fact that “ignorance” and “lack of appreciation of difference” in background and/or physical appearance certainly facilitates it.
I have certainly faced my share of that in Malaysia but the fact that there are a lot more people of diverse origins here has surely lowered the occurrence (probably cos the perpetrators just got tired of it..
Im keeping an open mind when I do get to Tartu later this year
Hi Shannon,
I’m an Estonian and I feel sorry that you had a bad experience in Estonia. Sadly, somewhat, I must agree with you, Estonians are somewhat racist and reasons for their (or our) behaviour are several (not that it makes it right, in no way). Number one being that Estonia was part of the much bigger country for more than five decades, where people of colour were not seen or heard, whiteness was the thing, the clone-like features you mention are also the result of the time spent in the USSR (as being part of a larger, same looking group was the ultimate goal in the Soviet Union, out of the fear of unknown and diversity). As for the past 20 years, people have changed, the attitudes have gotten better, but it will take a long time before people actually get rid of their fears and prejudices. In some sense, some prejudices may even stay, as Europe’s nations are national based, not diversity based (meaning, unlike USA where you have a diversity of cultures and races, European countries are mostly less diverse).
Under no circumstance do I think the behaviour you met is acceptable, but please understand that this mentality has deep roots in the history and mindset, thus taking time for it to change.
I personally look after a coloured person on the street, but not out of hatred. I find them interesting, such as I’d have millions of questions to ask, as we really don’t have many people of colour walking on our streets. I’d be interested what they think of Estonia, I’d be interested if they have been treated well and if not, then perhaps they would have suggestions how could we, Estonians, change our mindset so to avoid this kind of happenings in the future (and no, sadly, just “getting over with the colour topic” will not work here. People need to be explained that colour is just colour, that people are the same, that their fears have no ground. Perhaps if we’d have high officials who would be of African-American background people would start to realise that we’re all the same).
4 of us, all of South Asian origin, visited Tallinn and Riga for 5 nights in June of 2012. Two of us live in the USA and the other two in the UK, we are all working professionals in our early 30’s . I have to admit we were going to celebrate one guys b’day and most of the research we did prior to was about the party and nightlife in Tallinn and Riga. Based on our experience after returning, I Googled racism in Tallinn and this blog was the first thing that came up. I have to say that I agree with Shannon’s assessment, which is also the reason I searched for this topic after returning.
To make it a road trip adventure we decided to drive up to Tallinn from Riga, and on the way we stopped in Pärnu for a few hours. We were the only 4 brown skinned people on the beach in Pärnu, and just as Shannon mentioned all the looks we got, from pretty much everyone who could see us, were to quote directly from Shannon “For the first time these stares were not out of curiosity, and they were not friendly. They made us feel uncomfortable and out of place”. we thought since Pärnu was a small town it would be different in Tallinn, but we were unpleasantly disappointed. I am not saying that everyone we met was unpleasant and rude, most were nice and friendly, but most places we went out to we were not made to feel very welcome. On more than one occasion people threatened us with physical abuse while we were walking around the clubs and bars in old town Tallinn at night. One guy who was begging on the street went as far as to say “I will kill you” when we refused to give him money. I believe these people need a reality check, the world is becoming smaller and more interconnected, and unless you learn to accept people who are different from you, you will never reap the benefits of multiculturalism, or global tourism for that matter.
I have lived in the US for over 20 years, and I have done some modest traveling (to name a few countries Germany, Switzerland, England, China, Thailand, India, Canada) I cannot remember an instance in any of my travels where I felt as uncomfortable or unwelcomed as I have in Tallinn and Pärnu. Riga by comparison seemed a lot more welcoming.
After I returned people have been asking me whether they should visit Estonia, personally I would not recommend it for anyone, or would I make any plans to go back there.
As adults we can brush these things off, and move on, but I feel very sorry for your children. I know they will have the strength in them to put these down to life experiences and move on.
I am thankful for countries like the US where you are judged by your personal traits, and not by the color of your skin. I am not naïve to believe that there is no racism in the US or any other place for that matter, but in general most people are accepting of who you are in these countries.
Maybe countries like Estonia are better off behind an ‘iron curtain’ so they do not have to deal with the outside world.
“Maybe countries like Estonia are better off behind an ‘iron curtain’ so they do not have to deal with the outside world.”
The sentence is bigoted and racist in and of itself.
Estonians have to put up with white-on-white and black-on-white racism both at home and abroad, In the West they are treated as second class citizens, “wogs from the East”, in their home they are labelled Nazis if they don’t immediately and without reservations accept foreigners as their superiors, the “Great Teachers from the West”. Ever thought of that?
My wife, her sister and husband and me are planning a 5 night city break in Tallinn, Estonia in Dec 2013. I’m malaysian and my wife’s family are british caucasians. After reading the postings above I now have my doubts about visiting Tallinn. I was so looking forward to this visit. maybe Berlin would be a best alternative.
Frank, In all fairness, Tallinn is absolutely amazing during Christmas. It is beautiful, magical even. And if you are in the heart of Tallinn for a short stay, you will most likely enjoy your time. I am not sure that I would have left feeling the way I do after just 5 days. Living there, or staying for a few weeks is a different story. I know your trip is quite a ways off, but I would love to hear how it goes if you can remember to come back and visit us! Happy travels : )
Wow! I am so sorry about all of this. I am Mexican and was planning to go to Estonia to live there and to marry my fiance whom I met in college here in Guadalajara, Mexico. After reading this I am not so sure what to think. I grew up in Seattle, Washington in the early 90s when there weren’t that many Mexicans in the area and I honestly can tell you that I have never experienced racism as you describe it. I love Seattle very much. One of the things that makes me go back time after time is because most everyone is just nice and I do not feel any different than anyone else just because of my skin color. What you describe is really a nightmarish scenario that anyone would want to avoid!
With the aid of my fiance and some online resources I have been learning the language for the past 6 months but all of a sudden I found this blog!
Everyone loves my fiance here in Guadalajara, in fact she is already part of the family and part of community of the area where we live. People know her and and greet her by name, she does stand out though, being blond and beautiful but no one would be accused of making her feel uncomfortable the way you and your husband felt.
I am hesitant about going to Türi, Estonia where she’s from. I was having the naive idea that it would be as when we are in Seattle. I like to hold her hand as we go to Pike place market or to Alki beach in the summer, we do the same here in Mexico with no problems but I am starting to think that doing the same in Türi is just not going to go well.
-Fernando
As just another white Estonian (my photo: http://www.softf1.com) I admit that there are problems in Estonia. It is a fact that Estonians, who have non-white friends, have to be careful, when inviting them to Estonia or going out with them in Tallinn. Unpleasant, embarrassing, but true. (I skip the stories here.)
However, the strategy of rejecting and avoiding unknown creatures is a very good and viable strategy in a situations, where the rejector lacks the brain-power to determine, whether the unknown creature is a threat or not. Think of fish and insects. Their brain volume is limited and the likelihood of being eaten by a fish different than oneself is much greater than the likelihood of being eaten by a fish that has the same size and appearance. Example: pirajas do not eat each other that often, even though they could.
As of June 2013 I believe that if I were to encounter some unknown aliens from outer space, then it’s perfectly viable to run for one’s life, escape, because I lack the brain power, or at least the data, to determine, whether the alien is a threat to me or not. Would I attack the alien, if I can not run any more, e.g. if I’m being cornered? Depends on the encounter, the behavior of the alien. If I classify the alien to be in an attack mode, then I would perform a counter attack even in a situation, where I am convinced that I will certainly lose.
The same thing with homosexual relationships: rejection by the general public is natural and the dumber the person, the greater the intolerance. Illustration: LGBT rights in Africa (where most people are “black”).
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